Dear Abel & Sofi: How Can I Run From Nepotism At A Family Firm?
About Dear Abel and Sofi: While our Q&A Forum addresses 1,000+ public questions weekly, we wanted to give our small business owners an outlet to anonymously share
the kinds of frustrations, fears and private struggles few people
express openly. Father-daughter duo Abel and Sofi co-author the column,
bringing diverse perspectives to both professional and personal
problems. A serial entrepreneur and counselor, Abel, 65, is known for
his empathy and his uncanny understanding of many issues. Co-owner of a
salon, Sofi, 28, has a younger, more candid approach to life’s
challenges. Beyond appearing on Alignable's Q&A Forum, now this
column in syndicated in outlets including the Focus Newspaper in NC and The Yankee Xpress in MA. To submit your anonymous questions to Abel and Sofi, please click here.
Dear Abel & Sofi,
I've worked for many companies, but never
for a company that is family-owned and operated. When I first started, a
co-worker warned me to be careful and steer clear of certain people,
but I like to be my own judge of character.
Nevertheless, as time
went on, I came to realize that many of the owner's friends and
relatives work for the company and literally get away with shenanigans
that wouldn't be allowed in Corporate America. Even the HR head hired
her own relatives and fired good people to make room for her friend's
daughters. I've also witnessed people get fired for exhibiting some of
the same behaviors of these "privileged" employees.
I've decided to remain cordial, follow the policies, and not participate in workplace banter and such. My work speaks for itself. I've helped the company grow substantially, but I know for a fact that some of these guys don't like me very much. I've had some of my orders sabotaged, I've had to delay projects for weeks, because I couldn't get proper support from other departments.
Someone tampered with my car and I went to HR. They told me: "the cameras in the parking lot didn't catch anything."
Don't get me wrong, I actually love my job. I've just found it difficult to work with such unprofessional, rude, lazy, and entitled people.
Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Stuck with Rude Dudes
Dear Stuck,
We hear a lot about people working in family-run
businesses, as many of the small businesses on Alignable are owned by
families.
And several of the younger people working for their own relatives have horror stories to tell! I can only imagine the challenges of being an outsider at a small company where many of your co-workers are related or are friends.
No doubt, unprofessional behavior likely
runs rampant there as many people emphasize their personal relationships
over their professional ones.
So, you have a real
dilemma. On the one hand, you love your job and that’s fantastic. It
sounds like you’re really good at it, too. When you love your job, even
if you don’t adore the workplace, you can make it work. And it’s sad to
say, but no workplace is perfect. Some are better fits for different
people, but no work environment is without flaws.
Regarding
“sabotaged” orders, I’m not sure if those were sabotaged or if someone
was lazy or careless and just made a few mistakes. Even in a
dysfunctional family-run company, sabotaging sales in any way would be a
really stupid move for anyone. And while you may not feel completely
supported by other departments, chances are good that they’re just
overwhelmed with a bunch of other priorities.
I’m sure most of Alignable’s 4 million members could point to frustrations over other departments not moving quickly enough to help them with their work. Some CEOs even feel left out in the cold when it comes to their own priorities.
With all of that said, it did give me pause to hear that someone tampered with your car. I don’t know the extent of the tampering, but if it involved anything to do with your safety, that’s a really big deal. At the very least, you should enhance the security of your car with your own cameras and perhaps other devices. You also need to see a mechanic ASAP to make sure nothing else happened to that car. You might even want to talk to the police about it, depending on the extent of the damage. While you love your job, it’s not worth risking your safety for it!
Finally, you should definitely look for other opportunities based on everything you’ve listed here, preferably in a more corporate environment. Another small, family-run business probably isn’t the best move for you.
Or depending on where you are with your career, you might want to start a side business and see if you can take your talents and go out on your own
Saying some prayers for you and wishing you the very best. Please stay in touch and let us know what you decide to do.
Best, Abel
Dear Stuck,
I would like to echo much of what my Dad said,
especially about the car tampering. If that really happened and HR said
nothing was found on the video surveillance, that’s just not cool --
verging on scary. I would need more details here to give you advice
beyond what Dad said.
And I’m reading between the lines on your
letter and I’m sensing that there are other problems brewing at your
company. I don’t like that the leadership seems to be the Old Boy (Or
Old Girl) Network, and that you feel as if they definitely don’t like
you, despite your strong work performance.
It seems as if they’re not as dedicated to the success of their own business as they should be and that has me quite concerned.
The idea of hiring friends and relatives is nothing new at family-run businesses, but firing people who’ve done a good job just to make room for friends, daughters of friends, or other family members shows that the business itself doesn’t have the right priorities for ongoing success. It sounds more like a government agency than a serious business.
For all of these reasons and 100 more, I think you either need to ease into your own business or find a job that’s much more supportive, so you can do your best work there and it can be appreciated.
I would ramp up my job search and escape that place ASAP. RUN, don’t walk to your next opportunity.
Best of luck with everything and let us know where you land!
Thanks, Sofi
Readers: We look forward to hearing all of your thoughts and advice, as well.
Comments (91-100)
Starting your own business is most likely the biggest challenge of your life. Guaranteed your own business is more work than you imagined and the financial investment can be quite substantial, be prepared to make sacrifices. I have first hand knowledge because I've done it in my past 72 years.
Tread lightly and the best of luck!
I worked for a small family owned printer as a graphic designer after being laid off and on unemployment. It was the first job to come along as I was worried about paying my bills I took it. Soon I come to find out that the family certainly came first and there were unwritten rules about even talking to the men in the press department. I was being trained by the husband who used crude language regularly directed to me, the wife ran the front counter and I wasn't allowed to speak with the customers. The wife would arbitrarily change my designs, which is what I was hired to do, before the customer even saw them, talk down to me, and treated me like I didn't know my place. She even had a stall in the bathroom with her name on the door that we weren't supposed to use. One of the guys in the shop told me that they would never pay unemployment if I left and of course I gave up my claim to my previous employer's benefits when I took the new job. One Friday afternoon I had had enough, packed my things and left. I refiled for unemployment and won. The point of my story is, just because a company is family owned does not mean that rules of business do not apply to them. However, as long as you are there it will not change. I believe we should not only enjoy the work we do, but also the workplace. We spend at least 1/3 of our day at work, it shouldn't be a daily struggle just to fit in and be accepted and valued for our daily contributions. I wish you luck with whichever path you choose.
I know that work is a different scenario but only in the way you view the environment and your interaction in it. Your frustration in this case is likely to be yours alone. Continue to do a quality job. Continue to look at your market and seek opportunities that will help you grow in the ways you desire. There are compromises made in every workplace.
The important thing is to know your yourself. Do your work with integrity and joy and choose not to care at all about the spurious drama around you.
Small family run businesses have a tendency to look to people they have a relationship with to help them because owners tend to believe they can trust family and friends over "strangers". I have NOT found that to be true. In fact, just the opposite. But it's very hard to "beat the system", as they say.
Leave when you can, and don't look back.
Work consumes a great part of our lives. It is a group activity with each individual contributing motion to the goals and purposes of the group in exchange for pay. Pay comes in many other forms than just money. It could be a simple as "atta boy" or a "good job".
Work is a win-win arrangement. If you do not have that, then all the effort you apply is for naught. You loose.
The facts are the facts. Change your environment to a win-win.
I took back the Shop , Now it is only Family , that has its issues , But my Stress level is 500% Less . I have to do a lot more of the work than i did . But its worth it for me !
Second Note Anyone Know of anyone looking for a job Whom will work With Pride & Professionalship ? I guess were a dying breed !!!
1. If you don't trust the people you work for, quit.
2. If you don't trust the people you work with, quit.
3. If you don't trust the people who work for you, fire them.
Remaining in your current position will prove one of two things: either you are a glutton for punishment or you have a terminal case of cranial rectumitis.
Leave now, while you still have your mental health and a good work reputation. The longer you stay, the greater the probability that your work reputation will be destroyed by those people.