Dear Abel & Sofi: How Can I Run From Nepotism At A Family Firm?

About Dear Abel and Sofi: While our Q&A Forum addresses 1,000+ public questions weekly, we wanted to give our small business owners an outlet to anonymously share
the kinds of frustrations, fears and private struggles few people
express openly. Father-daughter duo Abel and Sofi co-author the column,
bringing diverse perspectives to both professional and personal
problems. A serial entrepreneur and counselor, Abel, 65, is known for
his empathy and his uncanny understanding of many issues. Co-owner of a
salon, Sofi, 28, has a younger, more candid approach to life’s
challenges. Beyond appearing on Alignable's Q&A Forum, now this
column in syndicated in outlets including the Focus Newspaper in NC and The Yankee Xpress in MA. To submit your anonymous questions to Abel and Sofi, please click here.

Dear Abel & Sofi,

I've worked for many companies, but never for a company that is family-owned and operated. When I first started, a co-worker warned me to be careful and steer clear of certain people, but I like to be my own judge of character.

Nevertheless, as time went on, I came to realize that many of the owner's friends and relatives work for the company and literally get away with shenanigans that wouldn't be allowed in Corporate America. Even the HR head hired her own relatives and fired good people to make room for her friend's daughters. I've also witnessed people get fired for exhibiting some of the same behaviors of these "privileged" employees.

I've decided to remain cordial, follow the policies, and not participate in workplace banter and such. My work speaks for itself. I've helped the company grow substantially, but I know for a fact that some of these guys don't like me very much. I've had some of my orders sabotaged, I've had to delay projects for weeks, because I couldn't get proper support from other departments.

Someone tampered with my car and I went to HR. They told me: "the cameras in the parking lot didn't catch anything."

Don't get me wrong, I actually love my job. I've just found it difficult to work with such unprofessional, rude, lazy, and entitled people.

Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Stuck with Rude Dudes

Dear Stuck,

We hear a lot about people working in family-run
businesses, as many of the small businesses on Alignable are owned by
families.

And several of the younger people working for their own relatives have horror stories to tell! I can only imagine the challenges of being an outsider at a small company where many of your co-workers are related or are friends.

No doubt, unprofessional behavior likely runs rampant there as many people emphasize their personal relationships over their professional ones.

So, you have a real dilemma. On the one hand, you love your job and that’s fantastic. It sounds like you’re really good at it, too. When you love your job, even if you don’t adore the workplace, you can make it work. And it’s sad to say, but no workplace is perfect. Some are better fits for different people, but no work environment is without flaws.

Regarding “sabotaged” orders, I’m not sure if those were sabotaged or if someone was lazy or careless and just made a few mistakes. Even in a dysfunctional family-run company, sabotaging sales in any way would be a really stupid move for anyone. And while you may not feel completely supported by other departments, chances are good that they’re just overwhelmed with a bunch of other priorities.

I’m sure most of Alignable’s 4 million members could point to frustrations over other departments not moving quickly enough to help them with their work. Some CEOs even feel left out in the cold when it comes to their own priorities.

With all of that said, it did give me pause to hear that someone tampered with your car. I don’t know the extent of the tampering, but if it involved anything to do with your safety, that’s a really big deal. At the very least, you should enhance the security of your car with your own cameras and perhaps other devices. You also need to see a mechanic ASAP to make sure nothing else happened to that car. You might even want to talk to the police about it, depending on the extent of the damage. While you love your job, it’s not worth risking your safety for it!

Finally, you should definitely look for other opportunities based on everything you’ve listed here, preferably in a more corporate environment.  Another small, family-run business probably isn’t the best move for you.

Or depending on where you are with your career, you might want to start a side business and see if you can take your talents and go out on your own

Saying some prayers for you and wishing you the very best. Please stay in touch and let us know what you decide to do.

Best, Abel

Dear Stuck,

I would like to echo much of what my Dad said, especially about the car tampering. If that really happened and HR said nothing was found on the video surveillance, that’s just not cool -- verging on scary. I would need more details here to give you advice beyond what Dad said.

And I’m reading between the lines on your letter and I’m sensing that there are other problems brewing at your company. I don’t like that the leadership seems to be the Old Boy (Or Old Girl) Network, and that you feel as if they definitely don’t like you, despite your strong work performance.

It seems as if they’re not as dedicated to the success of their own business as they should be and that has me quite concerned.

The idea of hiring friends and relatives is nothing new at family-run businesses, but firing people who’ve done a good job just to make room for friends, daughters of friends, or other family members shows that the business itself doesn’t have the right priorities for ongoing success. It sounds more like a government agency than a serious business.

For all of these reasons and 100 more, I think you either need to ease into your own business or find a job that’s much more supportive, so you can do your best work there and it can be appreciated.

I would ramp up my job search and escape that place ASAP. RUN, don’t walk to your next opportunity.

Best of luck with everything and let us know where you land!

Thanks, Sofi

Readers: We look forward to hearing all of your thoughts and advice, as well.