Dear Abel & Sofi: A Terrified Introvert Struggles With Sales
About Dear Abel and Sofi: While our Q&A Forum addresses 1,000+ public questions weekly, we wanted to give our small business owners an outlet to anonymously share the kinds of frustrations, fears and private struggles few people express openly. Father-daughter duo Abel and Sofi co-author the column, bringing diverse perspectives to both professional and personal problems. A serial entrepreneur and counselor, Abel, 65, is known for his empathy and his uncanny understanding of many issues. Co-owner of a salon, Sofi, 28, has a younger, more candid approach to life’s challenges. Beyond appearing on Alignable's Q&A Forum, now this column in syndicated in outlets including the Focus Newspaper in NC and The Yankee Xpress in MA. To submit your anonymous questions to Abel and Sofi, please click here.
Dear Abel & Sofi,
Help! I'm an introvert in an outside sales world.
I was having some issues in a corporate setting, so I moved to a much smaller company. I was let go after 9 months. Then I applied to many places and didn’t get any interviews after 6 months.
I took a long, hard look at my life, my health, and my "9-5" world. And I took the giant leap of faith to go out on my own as an Independent Consultant. It's gone nowhere, so I’m trying to make it work for a company doing business-to-business sales (straight commission) until one or the other takes off.
Cold calling is scary, walking into businesses is downright terrifying. I'm trying to make connections with people, but it takes me a long time to work up the courage to even make small talk.
Did I make a mistake? I'm not sure how much longer my finances can last. Any advice?
-- Terrified Introvert In Sales
ABEL: Dear Terrified, the good news is that introverts are finally getting some of the recognition they so richly deserve. I’ve seen more Top Ten tips articles to help introverts succeed in business over the past year than I’ve seen over the last 40 years combined.
Beyond that, many companies now embrace the idea of having different personality types in one place, as it boosts productivity and morale. I’ve even seen some companies offer special programs to let introverts shine. So there’s a lot that’s great about having an introverted personality these days.
At the same time, being an introvert in a commission-based sales role could be a living nightmare. I hate to be so blunt, but I’m not sure why you’d want to prolong the agony?
I’m sure you’re a very talented and bright person and I think it’s time for you to look into jobs and careers perfect for introverts. You can google “the best jobs for introverts” and find many suggestions. Also, you should read the 2019 version of What Color Is Your Parachute? for extra guidance.
Considering that we have 3 million members (and counting), I’m sure there are countless introverts in our Alignable network who can suggest different options for you. Someone reading this post could even have a job offer for you!
Best of luck with your Second Act. I’m confident that it will be better than the First Act has been. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.
All my best, Abel
SOFI: Hi Terrified, I think you need to pick a path. You’re trying to establish a consulting business while simultaneously growing outside sales for someone else’s business. You’re focusing on too many things at once, which means that neither career path is getting enough attention. Sure, plenty of people have a side hustle for extra income, but they typically only do this once they have a solid, full-time job or entrepreneurial venture.
At this point, it would help to identify what you’re most passionate about. Has it always been your dream to be in B2B Sales? Or is there another career calling your name?
As an introvert who’s afraid to cold call, it doesn’t seem like sales is a good fit. If you’re naturally quiet, perhaps you could get a job as a bookkeeper. No matter what path you choose, you’ll need to work on becoming more self-assured. I think what’s really getting in your way is a lack of confidence. You’ve had a tough few years career-wise and you’re stuck in a rut.
While it doesn’t seem like your personality is a good fit for outside sales, you might be able to turn your cold calling into a positive learning experience until you move on. Pretend you’re the life of the party and can talk to anyone. This will help you find your voice, which can be applied to any profession. That way, your more confident side can tackle your next job head-on.
Go get ‘em,
Sofi
Comments (1-10)
Get out and network. Networking is not selling. Networking is getting to know other people, asking them what they do. Maybe they will ask you, and then you can tell them. It's all very natural and normal. It's human. Go be human and care about others. In doing that, they will find out about you, and some of them will need what you do--or know somebody else that does.
I would suggest that you look up a local Toastmasters group and join. It will give you the tools and self confidence to perform up to your potential. I might also suggest that you research to see if at a local university or college might offer a "conflict resolution" extension course. I took one a number of years ago and found it quite helpful in dealing with difficult situations.
Hello,
I have done outside sales and management jobs dealing with the public throughout my career and while I wouldn't consider myself an introvert I would say it didn't come naturally--or comfortably--to me when making cold calls, outside sales' calls etc. If it's something you truly want to pursue the single best piece of advice I could offer would be DONT BE AFRAID TO FAIL! Doing it over and over again and perservering with it is the only way you'll become more comfortable with it. I promise you it will get easier and easier the more you do it. Not to be cliche, but getting out of your comfort zone will be the only way you can get better. I was always afraid of being told no, now? It doesn't bother me at all, it's all part of sales. Believe in yourself and if you have a solid plan in place, believe in the process of your plan and I know success will come your way.
Good luck out there!
Tom
I am a bit of an introvert myself these days. Our sales success rate is very high because of our love for helping solve real business problems that translates to more profitable customers, clients or patients. This results in a better work/life balance for owners and stakeholders while lowering stress and anxiety that usually comes with entrepreneurship. So love what you do and love to do it for others and they will see that. This makes sales no longer sales and more about problem-solving and relationship building. Always remember that people do not want to feel like they are being persuaded... They are looking for trust, dependability, and consistency. Hope you have a wonderful day.
Better to be an introvert than a blowhard!...I know it's a difficult path, but rely on honesty and integrity...make sure that your knowledge base is as good as it can be...to a customer/client those traits will rise to the surface at overcome any shy tendencies..as your success grows , so will your confidence..
It's all in your mind and you have the power to change your mind. You can start by using different words that are easier and softer such as "opportunity calls" vs "cold calling".
First thing each morning start to be intentional on how you want your day to go. Say things such as:
"I am going to feel good and attract better feeling thoughts"
"I love attracting harmonious and kind people who help me to my desires"
"My warm calls are fun and build my business and income!"
"I love meeting new people and building new friendships each day!"
Finally, relax, enjoy yourself and think more about what is playing out for you and think about what will be and how you want you life to be!
Love, Dr. Hank
I career coach a few artists and many of them are introverts. They have the wrong focus. They should be selling a beautiful product, not themselves. One should never be ashamed of the product they sell. If they have no faith in it, they should not be in business. Perhaps you should consider a partnership with an extrovert who would handle the sales part of your business. That person could bring in clients for you to help with your consulting skills.
Linda Blondheim
Find something (product or service) that you are passionate about. Share the excitement in that product or service to take the spotlight off of yourself. Networking is the best way to do that. When people see the honest excitement you have in your product/service and they grow to know, like and trust you, referrals will come. Once you have a referral, (not a lead) it is much easier to speak with someone about your product/service because they WANT to hear what you have to say. When they will benefit from your product/services, you are not selling, you are helping.
Take a deep breath. Do not try to be what you are not. Introverts generally come across as more authentic. Know uour product and the company you represent. Beleive in the product or do not take it on. I have to ask are you a natural introvert or has some fear caused you to be that way. Root out the fear and you will soar!
If you work in sales you have to understand "Fear". Fear of rejection or failure, feeling ridiculed, not good enough, incompetent and the list goes on and on. Once you understand that "fear" is the only thing standing between you and success then you will concentrate on "success". You have talents and personality traits unique to you. These are your strength and what separates you from everyone else. I give you a quote that I keep in from of me all day long by Robert Kiyosaki.
"Winners are not afraid to lose, losers are. Failure is part of success. People who avoid failure, also avoid success." (translated from Spanish).
Go get them!