If someone is constantly complaining about their dating life or relationship experiences, then, more than likely, they are not clear with THEMSELVES on what they want/need to be happy in a romantic partnership.
This person can certainly benefit from short term counseling.
I say: 'short-term" counseling because it doesn't have to drag on and on.
Talking to someone whose expertise it is to guide you in the best light to discover what is good for you could be very helpful
I don't like complainers.
If you want to keep her as friend, give her a hug and card to a counseler.
If you DON'T want her in your life anymore.......
Tell her to shut up.
Stop complaining.
And, be GRATEFUL that people still want to date HER!
It depends on the specific issues, but generally speaking, I would advise them to take a break from dating in order to learn to love them selves so wholly and so completely that they no longer allow for themselves anything less than they know that they deserve. While this cannot prevent other people from behaving in a less than desirable way and so cannot stop all negative experiences, it certainly would minimize them!
Most often, I ask them what have they gained or learned in the relationship. Why did they embrace it in the beginning? And then I try to help them look for possible solutions if they want to continue the relationship or help them to bring it to a close if that is the only option left. Often this is the case. It is so important not to judge the persons or situation - but let the client bear witness to their experience and create the changes that can ease the discontent for them. Sometimes a small break can make a world of difference.
A friend of mine constantly complained about her man she was living with. I got tired of hearing it. Told if you're not happy then leave him. She says "But, I love him." I said "Girl, ain't that much love in the world to put up with what you're complaining about." She was blowing up my phone all the time to complain. I stopped answering, don't have time for it.
I'm a real independent woman. Cut BS off at the knees and move on. I'll give an ear and try to help if I can but, I learned you can't help no one if you don't have their cooperation. And I don't get in between couples and their troubles when both are friends. I see couples arguing and just glad I don't have that stuff in my life.
Here's a tip: Never tell your boyfriend where you work. He may show up on your job in his flip flops, flipflipflipflopping in to see who you said hello to. Yes, I've had this happen.
If it is a reoccurring experience, perhaps, it has nothing to do with whom she is dating but something to do with her own inner self. This would encompass a vide array of possibilities that only she/he can individualize with some good CBT and needed introspection. Change is always a good thing!
That is a great question, I would ask them what are the three things they are looking for in a relationship? Is this person meeting the values that are important to them... if not, I would let your friend know that you trust she will be confident enough to do the right thing. (break up) If yes, then say maybe you need to evaluate what you really want because to me this doesn't make sense.
heres a thought. People love to complain and relationship is an easy target because we put so much expectation on this area of life. perhaps your friend could make a list of what he is seeking in relationship, a detailed list. then he can get a sense of whether this is realistic or even possible. from this list he can make a list of what his personal values are and see if those values are in line with his expectations. the breakdown in any relationship occurs when we are out of line with our values and facing some kind of personal compromise which is too much. Here is an opportunity for communication whether its about dating or a more serious relationship, no difference. Conflict if we want to call it that is either an opportunity to deepen and enrich intimacy or its a red flag pointing to the door. Tell your friend to be realistic, to be open to honest communication but always with the others permission. In looking at this if there are repetitive patterns breaking up attempts at relationship then your friend either needs to look at the type of person he is attracting, or he needs to look at himself and make some effective, positive changes that he can practice. Practice makes perfect.
Advice is not the best way to help : ) An attentive heart and a nudge toward counseling or a good self-help book that assists a person with introspection is helpful. We are all so uniquely different; the answer is often within the person who complains so often. They are unhappy and learning what the unhappiness is really about, is key to finding her relationship issues and what she/he may like to change.
Hello Kristen. I might suggest, in the best way I can, that they might seek out a professional who is trained to support people in the areas that you mention. We all have so different needs and experiences and our advice might not be compatible or appropriate for the friend who brings these things up.
Answers (1-10)
Hi Kristen,
If someone is constantly complaining about their dating life or relationship experiences, then, more than likely, they are not clear with THEMSELVES on what they want/need to be happy in a romantic partnership.
This person can certainly benefit from short term counseling.
I say: 'short-term" counseling because it doesn't have to drag on and on.
Talking to someone whose expertise it is to guide you in the best light to discover what is good for you could be very helpful
I don't like complainers.
If you want to keep her as friend, give her a hug and card to a counseler.
If you DON'T want her in your life anymore.......
Tell her to shut up.
Stop complaining.
And, be GRATEFUL that people still want to date HER!
LOL!!
It depends on the specific issues, but generally speaking, I would advise them to take a break from dating in order to learn to love them selves so wholly and so completely that they no longer allow for themselves anything less than they know that they deserve. While this cannot prevent other people from behaving in a less than desirable way and so cannot stop all negative experiences, it certainly would minimize them!
Most often, I ask them what have they gained or learned in the relationship. Why did they embrace it in the beginning? And then I try to help them look for possible solutions if they want to continue the relationship or help them to bring it to a close if that is the only option left. Often this is the case. It is so important not to judge the persons or situation - but let the client bear witness to their experience and create the changes that can ease the discontent for them. Sometimes a small break can make a world of difference.
A friend of mine constantly complained about her man she was living with. I got tired of hearing it. Told if you're not happy then leave him. She says "But, I love him." I said "Girl, ain't that much love in the world to put up with what you're complaining about." She was blowing up my phone all the time to complain. I stopped answering, don't have time for it.
I'm a real independent woman. Cut BS off at the knees and move on. I'll give an ear and try to help if I can but, I learned you can't help no one if you don't have their cooperation. And I don't get in between couples and their troubles when both are friends. I see couples arguing and just glad I don't have that stuff in my life.
Here's a tip: Never tell your boyfriend where you work. He may show up on your job in his flip flops, flipflipflipflopping in to see who you said hello to. Yes, I've had this happen.
If it is a reoccurring experience, perhaps, it has nothing to do with whom she is dating but something to do with her own inner self. This would encompass a vide array of possibilities that only she/he can individualize with some good CBT and needed introspection. Change is always a good thing!
socony vacuum of Kronos does not provide counseling services. As such, socony vacuum of Kronos can not comment on this topic. Thank you
That is a great question, I would ask them what are the three things they are looking for in a relationship? Is this person meeting the values that are important to them... if not, I would let your friend know that you trust she will be confident enough to do the right thing. (break up) If yes, then say maybe you need to evaluate what you really want because to me this doesn't make sense.
heres a thought. People love to complain and relationship is an easy target because we put so much expectation on this area of life. perhaps your friend could make a list of what he is seeking in relationship, a detailed list. then he can get a sense of whether this is realistic or even possible. from this list he can make a list of what his personal values are and see if those values are in line with his expectations. the breakdown in any relationship occurs when we are out of line with our values and facing some kind of personal compromise which is too much. Here is an opportunity for communication whether its about dating or a more serious relationship, no difference. Conflict if we want to call it that is either an opportunity to deepen and enrich intimacy or its a red flag pointing to the door. Tell your friend to be realistic, to be open to honest communication but always with the others permission. In looking at this if there are repetitive patterns breaking up attempts at relationship then your friend either needs to look at the type of person he is attracting, or he needs to look at himself and make some effective, positive changes that he can practice. Practice makes perfect.
Advice is not the best way to help : ) An attentive heart and a nudge toward counseling or a good self-help book that assists a person with introspection is helpful. We are all so uniquely different; the answer is often within the person who complains so often. They are unhappy and learning what the unhappiness is really about, is key to finding her relationship issues and what she/he may like to change.
Hello Kristen. I might suggest, in the best way I can, that they might seek out a professional who is trained to support people in the areas that you mention. We all have so different needs and experiences and our advice might not be compatible or appropriate for the friend who brings these things up.